Article by: Martin A | Photo by: Asheton S
BOSTON - After being spotted in a PartyCity Spiderman costume, climbing up a flagpole on the Howard Thurman Center (HTC) to remove a pride flag, Melissa Gilliam made a statement, claiming “new reparations” will be coming to displaced flags. Despite having a freakishly good pilates body from walking on that treadmill in her office, Gilliam couldn’t run away from the criticism coming her way anymore.
Students' outrage is palpable, as you can tell by the Bunion’s original story getting hella fuckin’ likes and engagements on insta (we do it for the little guy). “Frankly, I’m sick of her shit. Melissa, just because you totally mog everyone career-wise, doesn’t mean you can take our precious freedom of speech!” Said an anonymous, androgynous looking lesbian outside of Lavender House.
However, one community that was swept under the rug during this whole ordeal was the flags themselves. Pride flags, gay flags, lesbian flags, Palestinian flags, the most oppressed flag communities were repressed during this time, being forced to find employment in other places like stalking those open vending machines and wiping down FitRec equipment. Others resorted to OnlyFlags, making lewd content dancing on poles.
Gilliam, a fan of the Marvel cinematic universe, used Dr. Strange’s Time Stone to stop time, stating “Let us pause” while holding the Eye of Agimoto. Flags were able to return to their original homes, but many continued to criticize Gilliam regardless.
One such flag who was upset by this was the leader of the Collegiate Flags Association (CFA), Mr. Flagstico Flagstaff. He protested policies by dangling from flag poles naked, in a protest and performance art titled “Let Freak Flags Fly.” Flagstaff nakedly hung himself over BU Bridge for 3 months in protest.
In an attempt to get gay people and flag lovers off her back, Gilliam arranged a meeting with Mr. Flagstaff, originally planned to be posted on the BU instagram. The video would help announce flag reparations. The policy would allow people to fly whatever flag they wanted, as long as they also flew a flag provided by the school, pictured below:
In desperate need of public approval, Gilliam reached out to Mr. Flagstaff to appear on a podcast offering reparations to displaced flags. With so much pain being inflicted on BU’s flag community, and public support for the administration being so low, everyone needed the interview to go well.
The Bunion expert translating team spent 25 hours translating 1:46 seconds of leaked audio. The following is what the team heard:
Gilliam: Mr. Flagstaff, welcome to my office, how are you?
Flagstaff: angry rustling, resentful shuffling
Gilliam: Ok let’s please just try not to swear and say obscenities. I wanted to ask you both how you were affected by BU’s public display policy.
Flagstaff: spits on floor, rustles more seeming to cross his corners in protest
Gilliam: Ok I’m so sorry… (to a PR intern) can please get some tissues?
42 seconds of nose blowing and drinking water
Gilliam: let me start over, ok? What is your favorite BU event?
*Flagstaff walked out
End of audio recording.
To get your own Pink American Melissa Gilliam, check out the link in the bio at The Bunion instagram page.
