The Inner Workings of a Nine-Year-Old Activist: An Actual Picture I Posted on April 15th 2013

Article and Photo by Tara Mullaney

Many can attest to the fact that I was a severely confused child. I sort of just… regurgitated any political opinion I heard without thought or consequence. ‘Cause what? Are you really going to chastise a nine-year-old for quoting Sean Hannity on the playground? No. You’re just going to keep a closer eye on her in Social Studies and maybe smoke a cig before her Parent-Teacher Conference.

I also lacked the social awareness to realize my #Squad called me fat on the daily. They must be laughing with me, not at me. I thought. I’m not fat! It’s just like they said, it’s all in my thighs! Surely this won’t cause any long-term psychological damage and fuck me up for years to come.

In short, I had a warped sense of political correctness and any attempt at bullying flew directly over my head. Given these circumstances, let’s go back in time, shall we? Let us delve into the mindscape of Tara Mullaney, 4th Grader Extraordinaire, to fully comprehend the most embarrassing aspect of her digital footprint. 

It’s April 15th, 2013, nearly 7 months before the Fine Brothers’ Kids React To Gay Marriage video that will soon flip her world upside down. The video that’ll make Tara realize, “Hold up. You can do that?” and subsequently send her into a spiralling panic until her seventh grade summer. But, whatever, her sexuality crisis can wait, she has more important things to deal with right now. 

Like the Boston Marathon Bombing.

The morning was normal: Tara stayed home from school as she always did, feigning yet another temporary illness. With Mario Party 8 on the Wii, and a seemingly infinite supply of Tyson Chicken Patties, life couldn’t get any better than this. She was on the cusp of stealing a star back from Birdo when:

“Turn on the news!” Her mother yelled from the dining room. 

Channeling her inner geriatric baby boomer, Tara grabbed the clicker next to her, changed the input (I’ll get your bitch ass next time, Birdo), and flipped the channel to her trusty news network: Fox News. Her eyes widened as she watched the headlines fly across the screen. 

Her mom was in tears. There was fear. Sadness. Betrayal. Truly a dark day for the United States of America.

She had to do something. 

But, what could she do? She lives in hillbilly New Jersey for Fucksake. Boston is really, really far away. And honestly, Tara didn’t even know they did marathons before today! 

Tara rushed to her iPod touch and opened Instagram. Her friends must know what to do, as they can do no wrong. Huh. No one posted yet. Where are the guiding hands of God when you need them the most? 

Alright, Tara. No big deal. Just think. What do the people of Boston need the most? A donation? No. She has no money. The last of it was spent on the cheapest Roblox Builders club subscription. A card? Not in the question. Only her Language Arts teacher knows how to read her handwriting and she will not embarrass herself like that. 

Hold on…I can hear the gears whirring in her brain. She scrolls through her feed. Where is it, where is it, where is it…

“BOOYAH!” She screamed. 

Posted two minutes ago, is a graphic from justgirlythings, an image so surreal she has to do multiple double takes, a quadruple take, if you will. 

And there, the text that perfectly encapsulates what the city, no, what the world needs to see, stares right back. 

#prayforboston

No notes. Absolutely perfect.

She screenshots the photo and posts it as quickly as she can. She lets out a relieved sigh.

All in a day's work. 

Now, before you all get up in arms, you have to admit that her heart was in the right place. She showed something that a lot of people lack this day and age: empathy. While her photo only got 1 like, she was proud, proud of herself and the country she lives in. Who could’ve known her 21-year-old self would write an article about how dumb this would make her look, how insensitive this would make her look. But, you know what? Now, she’s on the right side of history. It just took a few extra steps and some incredibly unneeded detours to get there. 

You’re gonna go far, kid. Even if your Instagram bio is, “Who run the world? Unfortunately Democrats.”