Male Sluts, Boy Bops, and Manwhores: I Hate Them and Here’s Why

By Lauren Matz | Photo by Tara Mullaney

Whorish men have become a CULTURAL EPIDEMIC. Every day I step out of my comfortable home and like a deer in headlights, I’m blinded by men being SLUTS!

And let me clarify, when I say men, I specifically refer to straight men. I support my LGBTQ+ army in all their divaisms. But the sassy man apocalypse continues to spread and straight men seem to think they have the right to manspread their WHORISM all over my campus.

Just the other day I was at my job, minding my own business and trying to focus on the task at hand, when my ears started BLEEDING listening to my male coworker rizzing up the girl next to him. When I tell you, dear Bunion reader, that I cannot STAND this man. Every shift it’s a new girl! Whoever has the misfortune of sitting next to him in the office has to put up with his antics. One time he even tried to get to me– thankfully I quickly dodged him with my STRONG strange-and-off-putting aura. He’s an office monstrosity and needs to be stopped.

And every day on the streets, even in the dead of winter, even in the SNOW, I’m confronted by men wearing short shorts. There’s no way it’s worth risking pneumonia or frostbite just to show off some hairy ass legs. Perhaps I’m just a little too gay for it all, but it simply does not appeal to me. In my opinion, when it’s 20 degrees out, the sexiest thing to do is to wear a cleverly-layered, cozy, modest outfit. I miss shorts and skirts in the winter as much as any other gal, but I know when to stop.

Don’t even get me STARTED on the frats. Every time I make that god forsaken journey to Allston I dread the men I’m going to have to encounter just to kiki in a sweaty basement with my girls. I know if lesbian frats were a thing they would NEVER treat me like this. Get me to God’s country!!!! (the gay clubs)

I think we as a society have let straight men get too comfortable. They should keep their Bop Behaviors to themselves. It’s just uncouth, quite frankly. In the words of Wendy Williams, DEATH to all of them!