In Unprecedented Move, Brookline Booksmith Bans Book Buying; Says Customers Should Buy Household Essentials Instead
By Isabella Ketchen | Photo by Adrianna Egan
In a disappointing, but not altogether unsurprising business choice, the Brookline Booksmith has instituted a ban on customers choosing to only buy books. The total ban caps a tumultuous week for the store, which has seen protests, walkouts, and two book burnings (a US representative for the Alternative für Deutschland party was sadly unavailable for comment).
When asked how they felt about the ban, customers exhibited a wide range of responses. “I personally don’t mind having to buy some MBTA themed socks along with How to Read Tarot Cards Without Forsaking Your Love for Jesus: Practical Tips from Antichrist Expert Peter Thiel,” one customer told us. “I really like the variety.”
The Booksmith has long been known for its eclectic collection of tchotchkes alongside general reading and writing material. The Bunion’s investigative department reports that items for sale include prayer candles (Curtis Sliwa, Martha Stewart), limited edition containers of Obama’s bathwater (a representative for Sydney Sweeney was unavailable for comment), coexist bumper stickers, and poppers.
Under conditions of anonymity, several employees of the Booksmith revealed a longstanding culture of judgment and hostility towards those who have purchased books recently, with a particular ire towards readers of non-fiction.
“I get really fed up with seeing people browse the US History section,” one employee sighed. “Don’t they realize most of those books are for decoration?”
“Honestly, the only nonfiction book we allow people to buy at this point is that twenty lessons on tyranny paperback or whatever it’s called,” the owner told one of our reporters. “It’s been selling almost as well as our burnt wax smelling salts, so expect to see it on, like, so many coffee tables.”
“Yeah, I mean, it’s kind of hard to expand the romantasy section any further,” another employee noted. “Because we’ve always had to market ourselves as a normal bookstore. Those sellouts in Cambridge beat us to it.”
(Editor’s note: presumably this employee is referring to Lovestruck Books in Harvard Square where “we give you permission to indulge yourself in a world of passion, excitement, and enchantment.” The Bunion can unfortunately make no comment on the future of literary circles in Boston at this time.)