I'm Sorry This Is So Fucking Bad… And Other Things I've Said in the Middle of a Presentation
By Kristin Rosenmund | Photo by Adrianna Egan
You guys know the drill. It’s around that time of year where you’re forced to give a bullshit presentation on some niche part of the course material that you learned where you basically just write like two things on each slide and say whatever the FUCK you want for ten minutes. The professors say it should teach us good eye contact and confidence in our ideas but mind you I’ve been doing these since second grade and I can only say I’ve gotten worse. So, here are three classic things I’ve said during a presentation.
I’m Sorry This is So Fucking Bad
Midway through my presentation I just lowkey could not do it anymore. Everyone before me had made their slides on Canva or that Slides.go bullshit. I was trying to be modest and make mine on the most basic Google slides template there was (nah I’m just lazy). As I presented on the history of slavery in the United States not knowing a single damn thing, those infamous words came out of my mouth. “I’m sorry this is so fucking bad,” I told the whole class. They looked around at each other, my professor nodding along through tears. Ok, I didn’t think it was that bad. Then I realized he probably thought I was talking about slavery. I tried to make it work but I had to fess up and say, “no like this presentation is actually so fucking bad.” I exited out of the slideshow mid way through and pulled up the next person’s because you could not have paid me to understand what was going on.
Hold on its loading…. Haha yea just give it a second….
After already giving the worst performance of a lifetime, it was time to show the required video embedded in the presentation through a singular link. Whoever thought some letters in blue with an underline beneath them could cause the most painfully awkward, and almost humiliating moments of a lifetime. Well, I figured out they can. I clicked the link. Nothing. Clicked it again. Nothing. Then I started beating that mouse like a game of cookie clicker. Still nothing. The girls next to each other were strifling, trying to not make eye contact with each other to keep from laughing. Aw fuck. Here I go. “Hold on its loading…haha yea just gave it a second..” Oh god now my wrinkly fatass professor is standing up to help me but they don’t know shit either. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME I say in my head, but in real life I smile and nod. Ok and then this bitch clicks it and it automatically starts playing. I'm done.
*Voice Shaking* Bruh I Don’t Know Why That’s There
You know when you’re walking on a presentation in the late hours of the night, and the only thing that can keep you motivated is putting funny pictures of Spongebob smut on the slides to look at and laugh as you type? Just me? Ok. Well I’ll still tell you anyway. So yea that’s what I did, and you guessed it, forgot to take it off. When the yellow body with all the holes appeared
on the screen of my hospitality presentation, I didn’t even try to quickly remove it. My heart started racing, pulse going crazy, causing my voice to shake. I looked out to the class, all damn near chuckling. I let out the words, “bruh, I don’t know why that’s there,” through a shaky voice. I watched my professor rub at her temples as I tried to keep going, voice still shaking like a shell shocked soldier.
If you ever get me for a group presentation, you might just wanna drop the class.