Ariana Madix Reveals Love Island S8 Will Feature Your Two Teachers From Elementary School That Lowkey Had Chemistry

By Simran Patel | Photo By Grace W

Your favorite summer dating show has a new shocking twist! Host of Love Island, Ariana Madix reveals that the show will feature two very familiar characters in your, yes, YOUR life. Not a celebrity. Not an influencer. Not even attractive people. Those two teachers from elementary school who stayed flirting. 

Remember that one time when they were chaperoning that field trip to whatever the fuck museum/aquarium/zoo and he made a really unfunny joke about George Washington and she started Zendaya laughing. Like full throwing her head back laughing. And she was like lowkey a bitch too. Like the type to give you a 94% with a “please check rubric next time:).” Baby this is fourth grade, just give me the 100??

Or when they grazed hands grabbing an Expo marker. They held intense eye contact at the smartboard. The same smartboard that had a guide on how to multiply by nine using your hands. And a class of 25 nine year olds watched that shit like it was porn. Those two really thought this was Scandal or something. You two make $25k/year and can’t afford to leave your spouses. Lock in. 

Well, they are going to Fiji next summer. 

Apparently one of the kids in your elementary school is a producer for the show and thought it would be a good idea. Yeah, someone from your hometown who you grew up with is now greenlighting international television events. They thought it would be interesting to revisit this chemistry. And yes, this person who is your age and has experienced almost all the same things as you is doing better than you. Don’t make a scene about it please. 

Anyways, over a decade later, they’ve found themselves both divorced and not really up to much besides pretending they “still love teaching.” Even though they hate kids, and grading, and that stupid fucking building. With no summer plans, they decided to go to Love Island. Even though they’re both lowkey too old, #maybethegoldenbachelorhun? Honestly you should be dreading this. The real world is infiltrating your summer love palace. It’s going to be harder and harder to ignore the fact that this show is maybe a little bit unethical?

Also you have to see your teachers in swimwear. And in relationships. And doing the heartrate challenge. Acting like they haven’t yelled “inside voices please” at a child in the past 3 months. 
But look on the bright side: this is going to be the superbowl for your elementary school friends. Group chats will run rampant with awful fan edits of your two teachers making longing eyes at each other from across the villa. They’ll definitely make a ship name for their couple. You might even be able to ride the coattails of their fame. Post a picture of your fourth grade yearbook or something. 

This summer, your childhood is being televised.

And unfortunately, America is seated.