Have the BU Cuts Gone Too Far? English Department Worried It May Lose Only Functioning AC Unit

By Isabella Ketchen | Photo by Maddy O’Leary

BU’s highly controversial funding cuts took on a new threshold of intensity Thursday evening after a routine meeting among the English department faculty resulted in “a complete shitshow from these book-loving nutjobs” according to BUPD officers on the scene.

The department, which holds meetings once per month to discuss issues related to budgeting, staffing, and advising requirements, had to suspend two of its faculty members for “battery committed with a Riverside Shakespeare (Third Edition)” according to two people familiar with the matter. 

“I could hear the shouts all the way from our grad student lounge,” commented a PhD candidate from the Department of History, who wished to remain nameless for fear of losing her stipend to a medievalist. “I mean, it’s seventy feet underground and sealed with reinforced concrete, but you’d be surprised how well the sound can travel.”

Pending court records suggest the argument was caused by “departmental friction exacerbated by budgetary constraints for FY 2025-2026.” Further pages outlined the possibility of 236 Bay State losing their only functioning AC unit, a W.H. Carrier Air Humidifier (patented 1907, original model, fair condition).  

The unit, placed in the far right corner of the chair’s office, is one of the few traces of working electricity in the building. The Bunion has obtained reports that turning on the unit regularly results in a university wide blackout. The chair’s office was not available for comment.