BU COM Introduces New AI Filmmaking Class, Emerald Fennell Announced as First Guest Speaker
Article by: Lauren M | Photo by: Molly D
COM STUDENT LOUNGE– COM Dean of Students [Redacted] [Redacted] entered the COM Student Lounge to surprise students with what she thought was good news: next semester, COM would be introducing a new AI Filmmaking class, and they had secured big-name celebrity Emerald Fennell to speak in front of the class. “This is sure to be good news,” she remarked, “right?”
Wrong. Salty Burns (COM ‘27) weighed in on the issue, saying “It’s clear COM students are vehemently anti-AI. I mean, my buddy straight up ousted his Comp Sci roommate from the friend group entirely because he caught him using ChatGPT for his coding homework. I don’t know why the university keeps shoving it in our faces. If I wanted to replace a college education with AI, I could do that for free.”
However, the bulk of the student body’s rebellion has come in response to COM even entertaining the idea that students might enjoy hearing from Em*rald F*nnell.
Lead spokesman on the issue, BU’s Not-So-Anonymous #1 Emerald Fennell Hater (hint: it might be the author of this article. To hell with objective journalism!), had a lot to say. So much so, in fact, that it would have been a little ridiculous to keep quoting her in segments. We’ve attached her commentary below:
MANIFESTO FROM AN EMERALD FENNELL HATER:
“Wuthering Heights” was absolute shit from a butt and anyone who thinks differently must genuinely have an RFK-esque brainworm corrupting their mind. And also they should be kicked out of BU for being dumb as rocks. #SorryNotSorry. I came here to speak the truth, NOT to make friends.
Emerald Fennell specializes in movies that look pretty but say nothing, mean nothing, and inspire nothing. And to be fair, most of the “looking pretty” can be attributed to the other people involved in her films: cinematographer Linus Sandgren, production designer Suzie Davies, etc. To say the messaging in Promising Young Woman was half-cooked at best would STILL be generous. If you haven’t seen it, you might as well save yourself the time and watch paint dry instead. Honestly, you’d probably get more out of it.
Saltburn wanted to do something with the growing popularity of Eat the Rich movies and failed miserably. The most buzz it received was from people either fawning over Jacob Elordi or complaining about the movie’s “CRAZY” sexual content, which, by the way, wasn’t even crazy. You prudes wouldn’t survive 10 minutes of a David Cronenberg movie.
Now to get to the actual “Wuthering Heights” of it all. Hint hint: there’s barely any Wuthering Heights to even be discussed. She might as well have called that shit original IP. Kate Bush’s “Wuthering Heights” music video adapts the novel better in 3 and a half minutes than Emerald Fennell did in 2 and a half hours. Obviously there’s the race issue: it’s heavily alluded to and even relevant to the plot that Heathcliff isn’t white. But sure, cast Jacob Elordi because you liked how his sideburns looked in Saltburn. Girl, you can jack off to Jacob Elordi without spending 80 million dollars on some bullshit. Like literally the epitome of the “I JUST MADE SOME BULLLLLSHITTTTT” meme.
Obviously there was some anachronistic costume design happening, which I actually think could’ve been fun IF SHE COMMITTED TO IT. There’s a little sequence after Cathy marries Edgar with the bulk of all the conversation-starting clips from the trailer. Cellophane dress, big ass strawberry, etc. All forced into a segment that’s two minutes long AT MOST. Outside of that, it’s just some boring historically-inaccurate corsets. YAWN! LAZY! SLOPPY!
On the topic of boring, let’s talk about Catherine’s character. She has so much complexity and nuance in the book, but in the movie, Fennell just sets her up to be hated. Like yeah, if all I did was complain about this boy I love but couldn’t have with NO REDEEMING CHARACTER QUALITIES people would hate me too! This girl had no dimension! Look what they did to my Cathy! Look how they massacred my girl!
Cathy’s not the only woman whose plot Fennell completely twisted from the book. Girl, Isabella? In the book she’s a victim of marital rape, abuse, and more at the hands of Heathcliff. In the movie, it’s reduced to consensual BDSM pet-play. Ok Bruh. I’m not even gonna expand on that. I think you can connect the dots on why that’s F*CKED.
I could continue writing about this for years but at the risk of losing you, my reader, I’m gonna pivot to a call of action. BOYCOTT EMERALD FENNELL. Genuinely stop giving her attention and money. She is taking the legacy of women directors and smearing it in mud and shit. This cannot be the face of female filmmaking. And also I would like my Twitter timeline to stop being plagued with this madness, selfishly. I can’t devote another ounce of attention to this debacle.
Xoxo. No signature. Y’all know who I am.