Why the BU Bus is Actually Mother

By: Anonymous

I can feel the hatred and anger emanating from you as you click on this article. Oh, “but—but the BU bus didn’t pick me up one time at night when it was pouring rain,” or “the BU bus has made me late to literally every event I’ve had to attend!” Literally get over it. A woman is allowed to make a mistake every now and then. I’m not going to let you slander my one true hero in this world. 

Sure–she’s not the most reliable and, yes, that is her main job, but she is still stunning and gorgeous and has never done anything wrong ever in her life. I mean your top five on spotify is full of straight women pretending to be queer and they all definitely have at least one homophobic slur in their twitter history; can we really be casting stones here? 

Allow me now to explain how Ms. BU Bus has transcended into the Mother category. 

First, the quality I admire the most, her independence. She is bound to no schedule. She follows only her own whims and dreams. Yes, she is “supposed to show up every twenty minutes,” but have you ever considered that she has her own hopes and ambitions in this world? If anything, I aim to be more like her everyday, 

Second, she provides for us. When I need her most she is always there for me, providing a pole to rest my weary head on. Everyday when I wake up for class late and sprint outside, she is waiting for me, ready to drive me a hundred feet down Comm Ave. Her generosity is simply unmatched. 

I’ve seen her stop in her tracks, and throw her doors open to let in a weary traveler. Unlike that ugly cunt the MBTA, she is always watching for someone running her way and knocking at her openings. What could be more mother than a watchful eye on a community? 

Third, is something I believe we all could learn from. When she is tired, she takes a break. It doesn’t matter if it's in the middle of the road, in the bus lane, in front of a parked car; she will pause whenever she needs to. 

Finally, she is on the offense at all times. Honking her horn, swerving out of the way of pedestrians, nicking at least one car handle in her path: she is a woman on the move. Getting twenty students to class is far more important than the safety of anyone in the Boston public, and I believe that with my whole heart. 

Also, and I didn’t want to bring this up for fear of her being shamed, but think about how many people use her in a day. Okay sex positive queen! 

She is truly something we can all aspire to: an offensive, independent, providing, slut!