Why People Shouldn’t Throw Fruit out of the T: You’ll Hit Someone!

Article by: Willa | Photo by: Alex G

BROOKLINE, MA - On Friday, April 3rd, Boston University student William Borvell was struck down in a cross-fire between an orange and the trash. 

The incident occurred shortly after sundown at the St. Mary’s T stop, where William had hopped off the C Line to begin his walk back to campus. Before that same car he had just ridden on left the stop, William walked past the open doors closest to the front. Within just a few seconds, a projectile flew at his head and William came crashing to the ground, unconscious with a streak of citrusy juice dripping down his nose.

The weapon of choice, an eight-pound Valencia orange measuring four inches in diameter, was found three meters from the body. The large fruit left quite the crater in William’s face, and after counting the rings of each new wrinkle around the dent, police officers were able to determine that the produce was a four-seam fastball travelling at a whopping 68 mph. Experts say that its placement suggests the perpetrator was aiming for the trash can that lay directly behind William, but witnesses have been speculating otherwise.

“The guy… the one with the arm… he was eyeing that kid the entire ride,” stated onlooker Mandy Rin. “Soon as William stepped on the back, he reached into his bag and pulled out the ammo. I watched him toss it back and forth like it was putty in his hands, and soon after saw him “rinding” up to strike. Then BOOM. The kid never saw it comin’.”
“I’ve never seen anything like it in my sixty years working this job,” exclaimed Clem N. Tine, the conductor of that train. “It was just like a story out of the pulp I used to read as a kid.”

“He had this angsty artist vibe to him, like if you pulled out an airpod you’d get slapped in the face with 2013 Brendon Urie. Well, maybe pummeled in the face,” added passenger Tan Gerine. “At the same time, I also think the guy had a septum piercing and a tattoo with a QR code to donate to ‘Lost Causes.’ I don’t know, he was kind of a cutie.”

Despite the detailed accounts and many witnesses at the scene, the perpetrator managed to escape without a trace. No fingerprints were left, so law enforcement faces a dead end. William, on the other hand, has been recovering nicely with no lasting brain damage to accompany the event. The only permanent traumatic injury will be his inevitable struggle to supplement Vitamin C the rest of his life.