Using My Yaoi Page to Light My Way to the Communal Bathroom

By ANONYMOUS… | Photo by Stella Ritter

We’ve all been there: it's around 4am on a Tuesday, your roommate is dead asleep across the room, and it feels as if the entire building is motionless except for the slight scroll of your thumb across your phone screen. 

It's been a long day, and you are indulging in your favorite pastime: reading omega-verse yaoi while snug-as-a-bug in your bed. What fanfiction are you reading, you may ask? Ah, well, it's a Harry Potter cross-over fanfiction in which Nick Wilde from Zootopia is a transfer student from the Furrspell Academy of Furry Magical Fellowship, in which Nick is placed in Slytherin and has an academic-rivals relationship with Harry with heavy homoerotic undertones. Now, before you judge me, hear me out: 

Nick and Harry sit next to each other working on their Transfiguration homework in the back of the library, just close enough on the bench to feel the warmth of each other's thighs, the bare touch of corduroy itching their skin keeping them apart under warm, flickering candlelight.  

“You’re doing it wrong,” Harry rolls his eyes as he closes the heavy tome in front of him “The wand movement is completely off.”

“What do you know about my wand movements?” Nick says, raising one fire-red eyebrow and clicking his tongue. “Plus, it works, doesn’t it?”

Harry blushes a deep crimson, a rare sight from the normally confident Alpha, slightly scooting away from Nick while holding eye contact. “It works just barely, my method is better” Harry sighs, “and everything doesn’t need to be an innuendo with you,”

“Everything doesn’t need to be a competition with you!” Nick spits, his fox tail swishing annoyedly behind the both of them, leaning in closer to Harry.

Harry shoots up, emerald green orbs blazing with hate, hands finding purchase in his hair as he prepares himself for another argument with that sly fox. Nick slowly rises to join him standing, hands framing their half-finished homework, holding Harry’s gaze with an intensity the wizard had never seen before. Harry refused to back down from the Omega, his scent falling off him in waves, intoxicating Harry as he looked down at the fox as he spoke.

“You have no idea how much I loathe you” His voice was as rough as stone-on-stone, taking on a new edge Nick had never heard before. It sent a wave through his body, the scent of the Alpha in front of him driving him wild.

Faster than lightning, Nick Wilde had the Boy Who Lived pinned against the forbidden books section of the library, knocking the books from the shelves, their faces mere inches from each other as–

Oh shit, you need to go pee. It's too late to turn on the lights, and you can barely see past your phone as it is, so you do what you must: turn the brightness all the way up and traverse the minefield that is your floor with only the Ao3 tab to illuminate your path. 

You drop from your lofted bed, find your flip-flops, and cross your dorm with mechanical efficiency when you encounter your next obstacle: the creakiest, loudest door you’ve ever heard. There's no getting past this, so you rip the bandaid off as quickly as possible.

CRREEEEEAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKK

You only heard your roommate tossing and turning behind you, so you assume you’re in the clear and have almost a straight-shot toward the porcelain throne calling your name. 

Well, you assumed wrong. Your neighbor catches you in your most vulnerable state: glasses, bonnet, ugly PJs, and a fan-fiction flashlight. 

Oh shit- you forgot about that part. The Ao3 logo is fully visible, and lord knows that font is recognizable for anyone in-the-know. Is she cool like that? Does she also indulge in the time honored tradition of Fanfiction before bed?

She gives you a knowing smile, a salute from one soldier to another, and closes her door. 

You’ve made it. Congratulations. You assume you can continue reading in peace, when you realize you accidentally closed the tab on your journey down the hallway. 

Fuck. Now we’ll never know what happened.