Uh Oh: Boy I Like is Talking About Zara Larson a Very Gay Amount

By Simran Patel | Photo by Allison Groves

A never ending midnight sunnnnnnnn. Good song right? Turns out it's not so good coming out of the earbuds of the cute boy that sits in front of you in lecture. Like first of all, the way you scrambled to turn off your music playing out loud kind of disgusted me, so I’m already pissed off. And now you stan Zara Larson? Like what’s going on?

Maybe it’s like a bit or something? Maybe he’s in a Scandinavian pop icon class? Of course we all love young white Beyonce. Of course we all think she shouldn’t be opening for chop hoe Tate Mcrae. But you shouldn’t know any of these things. 

Like Boy You Should Be Listening to Lil Durk. 

It’s not like I have anything against gay people. Or Zara Larson. But I needed your fine ass. So it’s disappointing to me knowing that you listen to Zara Larson. Cause now I’m in my head. Like what else do you know?  

Do you listen to Kylie Minogue too? Can you have a ki? Do you watch Drag Race? What does Charli XCX mean to you?

It’s not like boys shouldn’t have taste? Like I love a guy with a little chicness. But I’m from Pennsylvania. I kind of need a man, sorry. Not that you’re even interested. Whatever. I guess you don’t even like girls.

Wait.

You don’t even like girls.

That’s exactly it. Your aversion to me is not because of me lacking anything, well anything besides a penis. You don’t like girls. I’m not undesirable. You’re just gay. It’s perfect.

Honestly, I can start appropriately romanticizing you. The gay best friend I’ll never have. GBF if you will. I’ll sit behind you in lecture, enjoy your Billie Eilish perfume, and judge your yasss pilled playlist. 

If you want to get coffee, I’ll bring my Shakespeare and Co tote bag, you bring your current identity crisis, and we can gossip about that one bitch in lecture who will not shut the fuck up with the questions Jesus Christ. 

Until then, enjoy your never ending midnight sun king

But lowkey #whogonbetheboys fr