Random Bone Found in Marciano Burrito Bowl Dates Back 252 Million Years, Proves Chicken Came Before the Egg

by Sam Lehman | Photo by: Maddie Lam

BOSTON–A team of paleontologists at Boston University announced yesterday the groundbreaking discovery of a brand new fossil. According to carbon dating, the bone is about 252 million years old, coming from the Triassic Period and distinctly resembles the wishbone of a chicken. 

The bone, found by Chad Brown (QST ‘26) in his burrito bowl from Marciano Dining Hall, has caused hundreds of paleontologists and earth scientists to question everything they thought they knew about the evolution of animal life on Earth. 

Dinosaurs do not appear in the fossil record until around 240 million years ago. Previous fossil records indicate that the Basal Tyrannoraptoran, a weird-looking T-Rex-duck-platteous-fugly-feathery hybrid, was the last common ancestor of birds and tyrannosauroids and dates back 140 million years. In other words, the scientific community had previously agreed that the chicken had evolved from this freak. But the discovery of this bone has completely thrown this previous consensus out the window. 

“This discovery points to evidence that the chicken came before, not only the egg, but also the dinosaurs and managed to survive not one, not two, but three of earth’s five mass extinction level events: the extinction at the beginning of the Triassic Period, the extinction at the end of the Triassic Period, and the one that killed all those dinosaurs,” said Dina Sournerd, a professor of Archeology and Earth Science at Boston University. “Chickens are persistent little fucks.”

Furthermore, according to archeological records, the earliest egg fossils were discovered a mere 195 million years ago in the Early Jurassic Period. This timeline means that the newly-discovered chicken, at this period, must have had a different, non-egg-laying method of reproduction that eventually evolved over millions of years to the egg we know and love and eat today. 

“Wow. Just wow,” remarked Mary C. Annos (CAS ‘29). “When I applied to BU and chose Archeology and Earth Science as my major, all of my friends laughed at me and were like ‘haha you’re never going to make any money why would you want to study archeology in the middle of a city you fool.’ Well, who’s laughing now?”

Since the discovery, Marciano Dining Hall has been shut down and transformed into a full-scale paleontological dig sight. According to insider reports, paleontologists are currently meticulously searching the rice and meat section of the burrito bar with plans to move onto the salad and soup sections later in the week. The discovery has sparked a wave of dig sights opening up at other dining halls on campuses across the country. 

Boston University officials say they do not know when Marciano will be open again for student use, but President Mellissa L. Gilliam has reported that “the school has seen a 112% increase in enrollment” since the start of the operation. “The discovery is an example of what makes BU so special,” Gilliam remarked. 

However, an anonymous insider in the admissions office told the Bunion that the increase in enrollment is because tour groups keep walking past the dining hall and thinking the “dig” is a classic example of BU’s ground-breaking research opportunities instead of an example that you are at the risk of food poisoning every time you enter a campus dining establishment. 

When we questioned Chad Brown about how he feels about having made this momentous discovery, he responded “eh.” “It’s nothing new,” he says. “Last year, I found a shark tooth in my cheeseburger from Warren.”