I Thought FDOC Was a New Acronym for an Uprising Against the Corrupt Healthcare Industry: My Story
Article by: Amalia N | Photo by: Molly
As a woke college student who attends one of the most liberal universities in the country, I’m totally used to seeing protests and other goings-on in the streets of Boston. Just the other day I was literally about to sob walking back from another 3-hour lecture in the backrooms of COM when I got immediately assaulted by the Bible pushers begging me to join the church. At this point, I’m one emotionally-unavailable-film-bro-wannabe-musician away from joining them, but not today!
That being said, I was completely unfazed when I walked down Comm Ave the first day of the second semester in my stupid first-day outfit with my stupid backpack and my stupid hat and stupid scarf, so I’d be safe from this goddamn weather. To my immediate dismay, I was brutally attacked by the sight of students taking photos with a cardboard frame that had the letters “FDOC” on it. I racked my brain thinking about all the woke acronyms I knew, pulling out my memories of 2020 TikTok. Suddenly, it hit me. FDOC was like, Eff Doc!
I knew after all that Luigi business, people would start catching on to the shameful healthcare industry. With the price of Ozempic rising, it was only a matter of time before those goddamn influencers crediting their figures to hot lemon water and pilates began to get sick of paying so much for GLP-1s.
I felt like I was on cloud nine for figuring out what the acronym meant, and throughout the rest of the day, I was so proud of my school and fellow students for being so courageous to protest the corrupt policies of the medical industry, especially on the first day of class!
Wait… I’m typing this out and like I’m kind of starting to freak out… I just looked it up and like… FDOC totally stands for first day of class. I’m so embarrassed you guys I can’t even look at myself right now like honestly do you hate me whatever I’ll stop talking just have a great semester I guess and especially if you wanna be a journalist like me just start fact-checking yourself more often I think that’s probably a good idea…