Aura Farming at the Red Light by Jaywalking First
Article by: Nico S | Photo by: Maddy B
When you’re 5’1 and a little chopped, you have to think outside the box when it comes to boosting your coolness.
BU BRIDGE - TUESDAY, 2:43 PM
I’ve been standing here for too long. After a long day of classes, the last thing I want to do is wait a crisp five calendar minutes for the walk signal to cross Mountfort at Comm Ave. The bodies of my fellow students are suffocating.
Enough is enough. I’m taking matters into my own hands.
I worm my way through the crowd until I’m standing on the curb. Cars speed past and blare their horns–God loves Boston drivers. Using my breadth of traffic signal knowledge, I time my jaywalking precisely.
I look right, then left, then right again. Now’s my chance.
I step out into the street. As soon as the sole of my Adidas Samba makes contact with the asphalt, time seems to slow. The red light across from me is merely a suggestion, a construct designed to hold me back. A gust of wind gently tousles my hair. A glowing halo surrounds me. I refuse to bend to the will of MassDOT.
The pavement is my canvas and I am my own paintbrush.
I feel the jealous, astounded gaze of my compatriots upon me as I effortlessly stride across the street.
The weak-willed hivemind on the other side of the road tries to shuffle into the crosswalk, but their attempts are thwarted by a turning bus’s warning honk. Rookie mistake; I nonchalantly paused my strut to allow the vehicle to make its turn. The driver gives me a wave. I respond with an “I got you” head nod.
My blood might as well be liquid gold with how much aura I have right now. Those who try to emulate me fail spectacularly.
My ears perk up. Is that…the scuffling of the masses behind me? The collective, the flock follow me, their shepherd, across the treacherous path. They may as well be bowing down to me.
I reach the other side. The crowd standing there splits down the middle like Moses parting the Red Sea. Their stares are reverent.
But me? I keep my eyes on the prize. I operate on a higher plane of existence. I have a one-track mind.
Jaywalking is second nature. The aura boost is simply a side effect. So what has this all been for?
The pineapple soft serve from West Dining Hall.