Peeing Under My Weighted Blanket to Feel Like I’m in the Womb Again

By Annabel Friedman | Photo by Maddy O’Leary

Does anyone else crave the placenta? Do you find yourself in the Questrom Starbucks at 10:45am and wish that you were swimming in amniotic fluid? I know you have all been dreaming about it. 

All good things in life are just mimicry of the womb. Hot tubs, putting your hand under warm water when you are tired, getting slimed at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards, and weighted blankets sure do really take me back to day zero. 

My whole life I have loved a hot tub. However, the modern iteration has its flaws, not nearly enough and not nearly enough maternal placental vibes besides my local hot tub guy started charging me $80 for 10 minutes in his hot tub. It just wasn't worth it for such an inauthentic experience. While premium, I knew I had to turn to alternatives.

I can just feel it all around me, a wet, warm hug from all sides keeping me safe. The smell of pee really takes me back, all I can think of is my dear old twin swimming next to me. Before I ate her, of course. If I really close my eyes and really pee it all out, I can even hear my mom‘s lullabies that she would play for us while we were inside her. 

“HELP MEEEEEEEEE” my sister screams from my gullet. I sigh with relief at the memory flashing behind my eyes. 

As I open them, I’m reminded of my true surroundings, underneath a weighted blanket in my Warren double, my roommate staring at me, terrified, as she sees what I’ve done. 

She just doesn’t get it, the experience she is missing out on. Although she moved out shortly after our last encounter, I just hope that my next roommate has one too.