BU Dining Reminds Students: Hunger Stops at 9 P.M.

By Aayushi Datta | Photo by Adrianna Egan

Boston University, one of America’s leading universities, has recently decided to close its late-night dining halls, making its students starve after 9 PM. Although the administration has yet to release an official reason for the closure, it is clear that they made this decision to prepare their students for real-world problems. 

The students of BU are lucky enough to attend an institution that prepares them for future starvation, while also encouraging them to adopt healthier coping mechanisms that do not include binge eating. Who needs mozzarella sticks at midnight when you could simply suffer in silence?

THAT DAMN CHEESE PULL. GAWDDDDDDDD. 

Still, the loss is hard to swallow, unlike the legendary Bay State Underground milkshakes. Their rich, velvety texture soothed the soul and helped overcome the trauma that 8 AM lectures gave. The balance of sweetness and freshness was the perfect flavor profile during the depression-ridden midterm and final seasons. Although the milkshake didn’t bring all the boys to the yard, it did fulfill the students in…some ways. A few people are planning on conducting a remembrance at the Marsh Chapel to mourn the loss of their instant therapy tonic. 

MY MILKSHAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. 

With the silent exit of Warren Late Night (the only edible food Warren ever had btw) last year,  the death of Bay State Underground and West late night has felt like BU has officially declared war on joy. What was once a campus with at least a few midnight sanctuaries has now become a barren wasteland after 9 p.m., where the only sustenance is a stale Rice Krispies Treat from a vending machine that eats your Terrier card balance.

GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY. PLEASE. PLEASE. I BEG YOU. 

This marks the end of an era where students could line up at midnight in their sweatpants, surrounded by equally depressed and exhausted people, and find solidarity in thinking things like “at least no one can tell I haven't showered in two days.” Spoiler Alert: Everyone knew. 

YOU STANK UP THE WHOLE DINING HALL, YOU FUCKING CS MAJOR. 

 Late Night wasn’t just about food; it was a communal coping mechanism, a nightly group therapy session with mozzarella sticks as the licensed practitioner.

Now, BU students are left with limited options. They can (1) ration out their roommate’s Goldfish, (2) splurge on a $27 DoorDash order that will arrive three hours late and already cold, or (3) pretend sleep is filling. A few have turned to FitRec vending machines, where a single protein bar retails for the same price as a textbook.

Students now wander around BU Beach like nocturnal scavengers, debating whether a $27 DoorDash fee for a single burrito counts as “adulting.” AYOOO WHY IS A FUCKING BURRITO SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE?!!? Others have resorted to stocking their dorms with Costco-sized snack stashes, a strategy that ends with an alarming number of half-eaten Takis bags under lofted beds.